Before the Mane Event: Mr. Lion's DIY Project

Nothing better illustrates the differences between my personality and Mr. Lion's personality than how we respond to a to do list.  I look forward to crossing off each item with pride and a satisfying sense of accomplishment because I'm just a bit Type A.  My laid back husband, on the other hand, needs a deadline.  "This has to be done by when?  Oh okay, I'll make it happen."  But, don't you want to just do it now?  Wouldn't that just make you feel like you could take on the world?!

"Assemble the chuppah" was on Mr. Lion's to do list for months.

For months, our living room was home to 8-foot aspen poles that had nowhere to go.  By the way, we ordered these from Nature's All, Inc., a company that sells aspen and birch poles specifically for chuppahs and arbors.  This way, you can be certain that the width, height, and shape of each pole is uniform throughout.

{via Nature's All, Inc.}

I had also purchased birch flower pots from Save On Crafts.  These were to serve as bases for each pole.

{via Save On Crafts}

About a month before the wedding, Mr. Lion decided that the flower pot bases weren't sturdy enough to support the heavy 8-food poles.  He promptly made a trip to Home Depot, where he purchased cement to fill the pots and wooden dowels to connect the tops of each pole.  Then, these additional materials sat in our living room for a few more weeks.

You'd think that a neurotic planner like myself would be getting a little apprehensive about Mr. Lion's last minute plans, but I know the guy pretty well and I knew that it would get done eventually...even if we had different ideas of when things should get done!

The Thursday before our Saturday wedding, Mr. Lion got to work.  He filled each birch-covered flower pot vase with cement and allowed it to set to the pole.  He drilled holes in the top of each pole so that the dowels could connect at a 90 degree angle.  I hot glued some lace (which I had bought earlier because I like to plan ahead) to two of the dowels.  This allowed the lace to be stretched over the top of the chuppah to cover it, but it could easily be rolled up like a scroll for portability purposes.

This illustrates why 1) I'm glad we have vaulted ceilings and 2) why we need a garage:

And this illustrates how the dowels and the poles connect:

The final product was amazing, especially once our florist added her finishing touches!  The chuppah is supposed to symbolize the home you build together, and ours was a literal symbol of craftsmanship, too!

What DIY projects has your fiance helped with?  Did his timetable stress you out?

Before the Mane Event: Mikvah

We got a flash drive in the mail yesterday.  It was a flash drive filled with over 1,000 image files.  And they were awesome.  We're still waiting on photos from our second shooter, and I still need to sort through all of them, but I figured we could get started on the non-wedding recaps in the meantime!

The Lioness wedding weekend kicked off with something a little out of character for me: I did something religious.  I choose to immerse myself in a mikvah.

 {image by Janice Rubin / via The Tablet}

A mikvah (also spelled mikveh) is a ritual bath used by Jewish women, and sometimes by Jewish men.  Orthodox Jewish women are required to immerse themselves in a mikvah after menstruation and childbirth, and before their own wedding.  For the rest of us, it's optional.

The water used in a mikvah has to be "living water," that is, it has to be naturally occurring.  The water has to be drawn, so that it isn't subjected to ritual impurity.  A mikvah must be deep enough to allow for complete immersion.  Yep, there's a lot of rabbinic debate about height and volume when it comes to this!  I used the facilities at B'nai Torah in Sandy Springs, a suburb of Atlanta.  They have a hashakah mikvah, which means that it uses an inner chamber and an outer chamber.  The water from the outside chamber is pure and untouched, while the water in the inner chamber is regular old county-supplied water.  The two waters "kiss," thus purifying the inner water so that it's suitable for immersion.  Oh, and it's heated...phew!  It basically looks like this:

{via Chabad Potomac}

And here's a fancy one:

{via Chabad Flamingo}

And here's a really old one:

{via Bible Places}

The individual using the mikvah must fully immerse themselves in the water.  This means that nothing is allowed to come between them and the water, so clothing, jewelry, nail polish, even band-aids have to be removed.  Rabbinic tradition considers hair to be part of the body, so hair has to be down and combed in order to ensure contact with water throughout.  However, most rabbis say that dreadlocks are okay.  True story.

So why do all of this?  It seems like such an ancient tradition, and any ritual mentioning menstruation can sound a little...umm...intimidating.  Well, I found this explanation from the National Center for Learning and Leadership via Mayyim Hayyim Living Waters Community Mikveh and thought it summed everything up perfectly:

Immersion in water softens our form, making us malleable, dissolving some of the rigidity of who we are.  This allows us to decide who we wish to be when we come out of the water.  The water changes us neither by washing away something nor by letting something soak into us, but simply by softening us so that we can choose to remold ourselves into a different image.

Pretty cool, right?  I was pretty psyched.  I brought Sister Lioness with me to serve as my attendant/spiritual adviser.  We arrived at the synagogue and I got set up in the locker room.  I showered, put on a bath robe, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and made sure all of my make up and nail polish was removed.  Sister Lioness handed me my little prayer cheat sheet, as I left her in the locker room and stepped into the private chamber.

Some synagogues will ask you to bring a rabbi along with you, and he or she will help you with your prayers and everything to make sure the ritual is legit.  This synagogue was less conservative and pretty laid back...they even told me that they use their mikvah for non-Jewish rituals!  Yay for open-mindedness!  I took advantage of this flexibility and googled around to find prayers that really spoke to me.

This is the part where I really step out of my comfort zone: talking about my experience with religion.  It's always been a very private thing to me.  I don't really follow Judaism strictly, though I do consider myself to be Jewish.  But, I was really excited about the resources I found to use as my prayers, and I wanted to share them with you.  Besides, some brides might be looking for something similar!

At the mikvah's edge, I read the following from Anita Diamant's The New Jewish Wedding:

Our mothers Rebecca and Rachel were betrothed and began new lives at the gently flowing water of the well. Our mother Yocheved gave renewed life to her child Moses in the ever-flowing waters of the Nile.  Our sister Miriam danced for the saving of lives beside the overflowing water of the Sea of Reeds.  Water is God’s gift to living souls, to cleanse us, to purify us, to sustain and to renew us.  I am now prepared to leave behind that which I no longer choose, to become one with another life, to become a creator of new possibilities, to become a partner in sharing the joys of life, to teach and to learn the lessons of married life.

 I stripped, and stepped into the mikvah.  I don't know if it was the two types of water, or just my imagination, but it was the warmest, softest water I'd ever been in.  It was softer than a bath or hot tub, almost like an ocean without salt.  I immersed, and when I came up I recited the following:

 Praised are you, God of all creation, who sanctifies us with Your commandments and commands us concerning immersion.

I immersed a second time and read the following:

I will betroth you to me forever.

I will betroth you to me with righteousness and with justice,

with lovingkindness and with compassion.

I will betroth you to me in truth; and we will come to know God.

(from Hosea 2:21-22)

Before the final immersion, I read:

My God, Creator and Sustainer of all life, may I step forth into a life filled with continued wisdom and deeds of kindness.  May I step forward into a  life filled with the blessings of new beginnings.  May I be a loving mate, partner, and friend to my beloved.  Be with me as I enter this new time in my life.  May you, God, who has blessed my coming forth into this day, bless my going out into this life, fulfillment, and peace. (from Charlotte Goldberg Mikveh, Park Synagogue, Cleveland, OH)

 I immersed one last time and recited one last prayer:

Blessed are you, Majestic Spirit of the Universe, who gives me life, sustains the rhythms of my body and brings me to this moment of renewal.

 

I'm not a very religious person, but I have to say this was one of the most incredible things I've ever done.  I got out of the water feeling a way I've never felt before, and there are simply no words to describe it.  I was overcome with joy.  I felt happy to be marrying Mr. Lion, thankful for everything I had gone through in my life that had led me to him, at peace with all of the plans and details, and eager for the future.  I really tried to be present for every word I spoke, and to really consider the depth and significance behind each statement.  I truly felt prepared to enter my marriage.  The rest of the weekend took on a different tone, and I think it's because I had those words in the back of my mind.

What about you?  Are you participating in some kind of religious ritual prior to your wedding?

The Many Sides of Chuppah

As I've mentioned before, Mr. Lion is Catholic and I'm Jewish.  Neither of us are traditional in practicing our faiths, but we definitely identify with them culturally.  As a Jewish bride who plans to have a non-denominational wedding ceremony, I wanted to somehow incorporate a few Jewish traditions.  One tradition that we decided to include was using a chuppah.

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A chuppah, or canopy, is a piece of decor that sits at the altar during a Jewish ceremony to symbolize the home that the bride and groom will build together.  Traditionally, the four poles are carried down the aisle by members of the wedding party.  From there, it can either be secured at the altar, or the wedding party members can continue to hold it up throughout the ceremony.  The groom walks underneath first to symbolize his ownership of the home, then the bride walks in to symbolize the groom providing for her.  No offense to tradition, but we'll probably walk underneath together because that's more our style!

The chuppah is usually open on all sides, to symbolize the hospitality of an open home.  The chuppah is typically covered, to symbolize God's presence over the home and over the marriage.  The cover can be designed with traditional Jewish symbols...

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...or it can be a more modern and unique design...

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...or it might not even be fabric at all!

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The chuppah itself can come in all shapes and sizes.

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Some chuppahs aren't even covered on top, but the concept is still the same.  Plus, it serves as a great way for the couples' personalities to shine through!

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So what will our chuppah look like?  Well, we wanted it to fit in with the rest of our whimsical garden decor.

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We're Mr. Lion is planning on going the DIY route with this project.  A few wooden poles, some cement and flower pots for the bases, and some fabric for the top should do the trick.  Our florist is providing a little bit of greenery, but other than that we wanted to keep it pretty simple.  I'll let you know how it turns out!

What's the significance behind your ceremony decor?

Finding the Right Words

Most of our wedding ideas thus far have revolved around the reception.  We've had our first dance song picked out since before we got engaged, I had imagined exactly what I wanted our centerpieces to look like, and have I mentioned the food?  I suppose this is pretty normal for most brides, but I find it ironic because, to me, the ceremony is the most important part of a wedding.

Here's my confession: the ceremony kinda intimidated me.

Source: The Flirty Guide

I'm Jewish and Mr. Lion is Catholic, though neither of us practice our faiths strictly.  We both believe in spirituality and in an individual religious identity, though neither of us really follow an organized pattern.  Though we do not feel that our religions are a huge part of who we are, we still wanted a somewhat religious ceremony.  I wanted to make sure that Jewish customs were included, but I wanted them to be presented in an interfaith manner.  Mr. Lion was actually much more flexible about his side of things; he wanted to allude to a higher power, but in a more nondenominational sense.

Upon considering all of these factors, it seemed as though it was going to be quite the challenge to have our cake and eat it too.  I mean, we were basically writing our own ritual!  How in the world do people do that?!  Well, I went on Weddingbee and looked into a few secular readings, as well as a few Christian readings, and a few Jewish traditions.  Their message board served as an excellent resource for finding exactly what I was looking for.  I bookmarked lots of things, and went back to avoiding planning the ceremony saved it for a rainy day to discuss with Mr. Lion.

Well, August 29th rolled around...our one-year engageaversary.  We decided to celebrate by choosing our ceremony readings.  I read my favorite bookmarks aloud to Mr. Lion, while he rated each one on a scale from 1-5.  Then, we narrowed it down from there and decided on several pieces that would become components of our ceremony.  Our overall favorite came from a sample interfaith Ketubah, a traditional Jewish wedding contract.  Though we don't plan to sign a Ketubah, we fell in love with this particular one's words.  In fact, we plan to rearrange it and use it in our vows.

From New World Judaica:

The bride and groom stood before family and friends, gazed upon each other and declared: “I have found you, whom my soul loves.  I bind myself to you, whom my heart desires utterly, passionately, and selflessly.  I vow to place you before all others, and nurture your mind, body and spirit.  I will forevermore hold you dear to me and stand by your side in both joy and sorrow.  I will dream your dreams and comfort you in times of challenge.  May our love continue to grow from strength to strength and intertwine us through the years as we create our family together. We will make a home in which the flow of seasons and the passage of time are marked according to our traditions, where the joy of children’s laughter rings in every room, and where we aid in the repairing and healing of the world.  According to the rituals of marriage, I make you holy to me with this ring.  May it be a sign of my love for the world to behold.  I enter with you, my beloved, into this.

The best part about choosing our ceremony readings was that we did it together.  I've done most of the wedding planning so far on my own.  Mr. Lion is always happy to offer an opinion when asked, but he's just not into it enough to take initiative.  I'm really glad the ceremony was more his thing.  It provided a level of comfort that allowed me to directly face something that was out of my comfort zone.  It was also incredibly romantic...reading through such meaningful words and imagining what it would be to hear them on the big day.  We're not the most romantic couple in the world.  We're silly and sarcastic, and we like having fun with each other.  This makes the rare sappy moments even more special.  I was so glad I got to share this part of the planning process with Mr. Lion.


What parts of wedding planning have intimidated you?  Has your fiance helped to pull you out of that funk?