Preparing for Marriage

They say that you should spend as much time preparing for marriage as you do planning for your wedding.  Well.  I don't know how realistic that is.  We spent two hours at our venue today ironing out some details, and I think if we had followed that conversation with two hours of marriage prep talk, I would have thrown up in my mouth a little bit.  Not exactly charming, but true.

I do think some degree of marriage prep is important.  At first, I thought we'd just follow some formula.  We'd find a therapist, we'd go to counseling, we'd get a little certificate, we'd live happily ever after.  But the more I researched it, the more I realized that really wasn't for us.  Mr. Lion is a very private person, and I had a hard time imagining him opening up to a stranger!

As with many of our wedding projects, we chose to go the DIY route.  We started to look at books on premarital counseling, when we stumbled upon this:

Source

Sure, the title was a little daunting, but you know what they say about judging a book by its cover.  We flipped through it to find that it was straightforward, not too religious, and interactive.  It was actually part of a set that included two workbooks, one for each of us.  It seemed like a good fit for us.  I really liked the fact that it included workbooks, because it allowed us to sort through our answers individually and privately.  Then, we could discuss it together after collecting out thoughts.  Best of all, we could work through it at our own pace.

At first, it seemed like it would be a bit of a chore.  But I have to say, we've really enjoyed it!  The "questions" we're supposed to ask are things we pretty much know the answers to.  We've been on the same page with everything, and we're pretty much aware of each others' morals and values.  However, it doesn't stop with talking about what you believe.  It goes into why you believe those things.  It's been interesting to dig a little deeper and figure out how our beliefs will come into play in our marriage, and eventually, how they'll affect raising a family.

Are you and your significant other doing premarital counseling?  What do you think so far?

Meet Me Halfway

Mama Lioness is the antithesis of Mother of the Bride.  I grew up in the South and view myself as a Southern Belle, but that certainly doesn't mean I have a Southern family.  My family is from New England, but my mom grew up overseas.  My grandfather was a diplomat, so she lived all over...mostly in South America and the Caribbean.  Yes, Mama Lioness is actually more latina than gringa.  Hey, maybe that's why I ended up with a Cubano!

I'm Southern, so I grew up dreaming of grande romances comparable to Scarlett & Rhett's.  I'm Floridian, so I grew up dreaming of Prince Charming whisking me away as woodland creatures frolicked about.  She's slightly more practical than I am.  She loves Mr. Lion, she loves that we're happy, and she's super excited about the wedding.  But when it comes to every detail and every ridiculous expense, it's hard for her to see why it's important to me.

On the one hand, it's nice having her a bit removed.  I'm a control freak and I would not function well with an overbearing mother trying to be too involved in my decisions.  On the other hand, sometimes I wished she understood why the smallest, dumbest traditions were so important to me.

Fortunately, I've found a way to solve this problem.  Mama Lioness is super creative.  I figured if I could find ways to incorporate her creativity and her individuality, she could be the Mother of the Bride that I wanted her to be without changing who she is.  I've made an effort to stick to that plan, and so far it's been quite successful and I think she really appreciates it!  This is my first act of compromise:

 Source: Paperback Swap

This book was PERFECT for my mom.  It's dry, original, and realistic, yet still heartwarming.  She loved it, and it made me really happy to give it to her!

Did you find a fun way to get a family member involved in your planning process?

Book Report

So I left for Boston, armed with my engagement ring and the comfort that my bridesmaids knew how much I loved them.  I knew I wouldn't be able to do much wedding planning for the next three months, since I was so far away from the city where I would hire all of our vendors (clearly, this was before I discovered Wedding bee).  I allowed myself to brainstorm, but I forbade myself from "actively planning" until I returned to Atlanta in 2010.  When I got a coupon to Borders in the mail, I decided that I needed something to guide me in my brainstorming.

I sat in the wedding planning aisle four nearly an hour (not exaggerating, just embarrassed) trying to choose the perfect wedding planning guide.  Well folks, the truth is, there isn't one.  I finally decided on Emily Post's.

 Source: Emily Post

I like it, but it wasn't as helpful as I had hoped.  I think a lot of brides could find it helpful, but it just wasn't what I needed.  I needed more of a guide than a workbook.  Workbooks are necessary too, which is why I am a spreadsheetaholic.  But as far as guides go, I have gotten a lot more out of the following:

 Source: Bridal Aislusions

This book is exactly what a bride like me needs.  It's helpful for those who are on a budget, and for those who need to be reminded that the wedding industry is just that...an industry.  It's easy to get all bright-eyed and busy-tailed when looking at all things sparkly, but most of us can't afford to do that!  I found that this book provided some honest insight and incredibly useful tips.

 Source: The Knot

I don't use The Knot for much these days, though I know many brides who swear by it.  The one tool I still use on The Knot is their To Do List feature.  I find it incredibly thorough.  I've examined lots of wedding websites' to do lists, and I've found that The Knot's timeline tends to bias planning ahead rather than doing things last minute, which is a great match for me.  Also, as a typical Type A girl, I love me some to do lists.  That little check mark in that little box symbolizes success and accomplishment to me more than anything else in the world.  This book is stock full of to do lists, with plenty of room to jot down notes along the way.

Regardless of what books you choose for your planning process, I definitely recommend writing in pencil!  It's amazing how many times your plans can change...a lesson I'm still learning.