The Important Thing

I should begin by saying that I'm writing this post several months before our wedding, but I'm scheduling it to post just before the big day.  I'm doing so to remind myself to keep things in perspective as inevitable chaos ensues in the final days of preparation.

Wedding planning is a very involved process.  No matter how big or how small your wedding is, there's a lot to think about.  It's so easy to get caught up in the details, to the point where sometimes you get lost in them.  Something will inevitably deviate away from your original plans.  Something will inevitably go wrong, usually more than once.  With one element out of place, stress and frustration replace the joy and bliss that you should feel during this hectic time.  You try to cover all of your bases and plan for every possible inconvenience that could occur, but it's never enough.  You put forth tireless effort to plan out every detail, to create every piece of decor, and to coordinate with every guest.  But those things aren't important.

The important thing is love.

{photo by Pink Sherbet Photography / via Flickr}

I work as a physical therapist for a large trauma hospital.  Usually, I treat patients with broken bones that they've acquired from car accidents or gunshot wounds, but trauma can produce neurological injuries too.  I recently had a patient who had sustained a traumatic brain injury.  He was an engineer, and he was visiting a construction site when he was sandwiched between two large cement pipes.  It didn't look good.  I saw his MRIs, and the bleeding was extensive.  All of the physician notes in his chart predicted a bleak prognosis...and trust me, the Neurosurgeons in Atlanta know what they're doing.

No, I haven't met Dr. Gupta...yet.
{photo by Jeff Hutchens / via Scholastic}

This patient spent months in the ICU, completely unconscious.  His wife, who became pregnant with their first child just weeks before the accident, visited daily.  She brought pictures of family and friends, even though he couldn't see them.  She held his favorite foods up to his nose, even though he couldn't eat them.  She played his favorite music and read him his favorite books, even though he couldn't hear them.  She tried anything and everything with the hope that one of these stimuli would evoke some sort of response.

The thing about brain injuries is that they heal in stages.  Patients can stay in any of these stages for any period of time, sometimes even plateauing at that stage permanently.  This patient stayed at the first stage for a long time, unresponsive and in a coma.  He eventually opened his eyes and was able to respond to light.  Then, he started to respond to voices.  When he started to follow commands and make eye contact, his physicians determined he was stable enough to transfer out of the ICU and onto my floor.  We started to work on some brain injury rehab basics, like sitting up and reaching for objects.  Eventually, we started to practice standing and even marching in place.  His wife was his biggest fan and his loudest cheerleader.  She never left his side.

After weeks of therapy, he wrote on his dry erase board that he wanted to try to walk.  It took three of us to assist him, but he was able to take a few steps with a walker.  He stared at his feet as he concentrated on sending the message "walk" from his brain to the muscles in his legs.  Then, something interesting happened.  His wife walked over to the other side of the room and said, "Honey, walk over here to me."  He looked up, and started to walk towards her.  He was slow and still needed a lot of assistance, but he had a smile on his face the whole time.  When he reached her, she gently placed her arms around him.  He whispered in her ear, "I love you," the first words he had spoken in months.

I've never cried in front of a patient, but I almost broke that streak at that moment!  Sure, time is the best thing for neurological injury, and medicine and aggressive therapy can help.  And maybe it's just the Disney freak in me, but I really think love had something to do with his progress, too.  This patient's wife's relentless dedication to him very well could have sped up his healing.  The early stimulation in the ICU, motivating him during therapy sessions...all of this, because of love.  (By the way, this patient is now in a rehab facility where he continues to improve.  His wife is due to deliver their baby any day now.)

So when wedding planning gets frustrating, don't let yourself get caught up in it.  Keep yourself focused on the real reason for this event.  That reason is more powerful than anything else in the world.